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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23787130">By the cries, by the laughs of your startled shadow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothequickestsilver/pseuds/tothequickestsilver'>tothequickestsilver</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drama, F/M, Fights, Finn's story, Gay, Love, M/M, Multi, Physical Abuse, Sad, Verbal Abuse, Violence, finn has a journal, i love finn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:54:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23787130</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothequickestsilver/pseuds/tothequickestsilver</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you know anything about who I am?” Finns yells. “No, you don’t. You don’t."</p><p>It looks like Finn is actually waiting for an answer but Cassidy just just stands there. She shakes her head as she watches Finn walk towards her. Her legs are shaking. She looks like she’s about to fall.<br/>- or -</p><p>Sean sees Finn acting weird and he wonders why the boy is so angry.<br/>What happened in Finn's life that made him this sad?<br/>The terrible answers are in Finn's journal.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cassidy &amp; Finn &amp; Hannah &amp; Jacob &amp; Penny (Life is Strange 2), Sean Diaz/Finn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>By the cries, by the laughs of your startled shadow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okayyyyyyyy so I tried something haha, I wonder if someone will like it but I sure hope :)<br/>Hope I'll get some comments or kudos !</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cassidy and Finn had been arguing A LOT lately. Something about Finn having a ‘crazy idea’. One day, Sean hears them fighting by the lake so he does what anyone would have done. He hides behind a large tree and listens.</p><p> </p><p>“Cass, I don’t care if it’s crazy, it’s a great plan. We have to take risks if we-”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, Finn. You’re not actually that dumb, are you?” She stops and Sean can easily picture Cassidy shaking her head, like she always does when she’s hurt. Or disappointed. Or in that case, both. “Why are you so selfish, Finn? Is there anyone and I mean ANYONE you care for, other than yourself? ”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a long silence. A deep, painful silence. They’ve both been hurt by each other’s words and it’s too late to take them back.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know anything about who I am?” Finns asks “No, girl, you don’t. You don’t. Now, I might be crazy but I once knew a Cassidy that was just as crazy. Where is she, huh ?”</p><p> </p><p>It looks like Finn is actually waiting for an answer but Cassidy just just stands there. She shakes her head as she watches Finn walk towards her. Her legs are shaking. She looks like she’s about to fall. But she doesn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know who you are anymore.” His voice is harsh as he walks away, bumping into the purple-haired girl.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Finn’s journal </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>please do not read you ugly noisy bitch</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>PROBLEM N°1 : WHERE THE FUCK IS CHLOE.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>20<sup>th</sup> April 2006 :</em>
</p><p>Today is my 8<sup>th</sup> birthday. But one really cared because Dad went to the hospital with his girlfriend. She’s giving birth right now. I had a cupcake at school and Veronica kissed me on the lips. She told me she loved me. I don’t know if I love her back. I don’t know what love is supposed to be or feel like. I don’t think I ever will. Veronica sometimes acts like a bitch. Dad said “bitchy ass girls be hard to handle but give the best goddamn sex”. I don’t know if its true, but let’s say it is. Is the sex worth it?</p><p> </p><p>Almost everybody forgot my birthday but it’s okay. Joey remembered. He says that he doesn’t really care about the new baby; that it’s my day and only mine. I don’t think this is true but I don’t say a thing. He’s been a great brother. He gave me his Spiderman watch ! I will never stop wearing it, I love it. I love Joey. He’s my dad’s older son. He’s 14. Dad says he’s a “real man” because he has big muscles. I hope I can grow big muscles too one day. Maybe Dad will like me better if I have muscles. I better go to bed before Elliot makes me sleep on the floor again. Bye now.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>24<sup>th</sup> April 2006 :</em>
</p><p>Dad came back home with Monica, his girlfriend. It’s been four days we haven’t seen him. I ran to him to hug him but he was holding the baby… so he hit me in the face. It’s okay !! No big deal, just a bloody nose and he hugged me and said he was sorry. Sorry means he didn’t mean it.</p><p>Monica wanted to help me with my bloody nose but I told her I hated her. Because I do. Monica is my biological mother. All of my other brothers have a different mother that at least give them birthday cards -with money in them !</p><p>So now, I have a real sibling. A true sibling like a blood sister. You know?</p><p>Dad asked me to watch the baby, because he was going to the restaurant with Monica. Baby Chloe is so tiny and I think I could easily break her. I have to hold her very carefully! Chloe is MY real baby sister. I’m gonna take care of her until Dad gets back. I’m sure he’s gonna take care of her. The problem is that baby Chloe cries a lot and we have nothing at home that she can eat. Joey comes home before Dad. He yells at me for not being in bed this late. He says it’s already 2 am. He looks at me holding baby Chloe and his voice softens. He takes a Polaroid of us and puts the picture on the fridge. Then he takes Baby Chloe from me and tells to go to bed before dad comes home and ‘beat the shit out of me’. I go to my room. Well our room, I share it with all my brothers. I accidentally wake Elliot up and he says mean things.</p><p>He says I’m a useless piece of shit.</p><p>Useless piece of shit useless piece of shit useless piece of shit useless piece of shit useless piece of shit</p><p>
  <strike>
    <em>
      <strong>useless</strong>
    </em>
  </strike>
</p><p>
  <strike>
    <em>
      <strong>piece</strong>
    </em>
  </strike>
</p><p>
  <strike>
    <em>
      <strong>of</strong>
    </em>
  </strike>
</p><p>
  <strike>
    <em>
      <strong>shit</strong>
    </em>
  </strike>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>31<sup>st</sup> October 2010 :</em>
</p><p>
  <em>age 12</em>
</p><p>I hate cold weather. DoucheDad never pays the bill so we don’t have heating.</p><p>We never have anything to eat in this shit house so I checked DoucheDad’s wallet. How easy it is to get 10$, huh.</p><p>Elliot asked me to sell 15grams at least today. I can easily do that, just gotta go to the rich kids high school. The rich kids always look for ways to be sad, like buying drugs from a 12 year old. Stupid rich white kids.</p><p>One of dad’s friends came to the kitchen and saw the polaroid picture of Chloe and me Joey took ages ago. He says something about her being “so hot when she grows up”. Fucking disgusting. I take the picture and put it in my wallet.</p><p>Chloe comes down running the stairs. It’s Halloween, she’s dressed as Cinderella. She is so beautiful. The most beautiful 4 year old on earth.</p><p>She looks like a real princess.</p><p>She IS a real princess.</p><p>I bought her the best Cinderella dress I could afford. The blue of her dress matches her eyes. She runs and hugs my leg. I pick her up and Joey drop us to school on his way to work.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>September 2015 :</em>
</p><p>
  <em>age 17</em>
</p><p>There were screams when I came back home. Philip (aka DoucheDad) was shouting at poor little Chloe. I ask what the fuck is happening and she says she doesn’t know, that he had been drinking all day. I remember exactly what he said next. “All of Monica’s kids are fucking retarded. As crazy as their fucking mom. You’re her kids, not mine. fuckers”.</p><p>I grabbed Chloe’s arm to put her behind me. I tell ShitDad to back the fuck off but he screams louder, and Chloe’s hysterically crying. He punches me in the stomach. Hard as fuck. I tell Chloe to run. Run fast and far. He grabs me by the neck, put me back on my feet. I’m holding my stomach, spitting fucking blood. He punches me in the face. And I feel so dizzy. Next thing I know, I’m on the floor. I feel kicks, I feel the pain. He hits me. Over and over and over. Until I don’t feel the pain at all anymore.</p><p>and everything is blurry.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When I wake up, I’m in a hospital room. There are policemen around me. Fuck. I ask about Chloe. They tell me to stay calm. Stay calm. Chloe’s fine. Stay calm, Finn. It’s okay boy, you did okay. They ask about DoucheDad, I lie. I say he’s a great dad, he doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t use me as a punching ball.</p><p>That’s when they tell me Chloe lost all her hearing because of a violent punch in the head.</p><p>My bro Elliot would want me to lie.</p><p>My bro Nathan would want me to lie.</p><p>My bro Joey would want me to … do what I need to be safe.</p><p> </p><p>For the first time in my whole entire life, I AM SELFISH.</p><p>I tell the policemen he punched Chloe. I tell them about the physical and verbal abuse, how every single day is hell.</p><p>But they don’t arrest him. And I don’t know why nobody’s dragging DoucheDad in the fucking police car.</p><p>I look at the window and Elliot is devastated. My brothers are crying. The blue of their eyes contrast with all the red around it. Where the fuck is Chloe.</p><p> </p><p>All I see in Nathan’s eyes is pain. Elliot looks so sad too. Weird, I always thought he didn’t have any feelings left. I wait for the night to come. They tell me I’ll spend the night at the hospital.</p><p> </p><p>Joey promises that Chloe will be safe at home now. I ask why and he tells me he’s dead. DoucheDad is dead. Someone stabbed him and I’m the n°1 suspect. Everything horrible I said about him… I’d take it all back in a heartbeat if I could. But I can’t. He’s dead. The worst part is that I don’t know. I don’t know if I killed him or not. Could’ve been me but I was on the floor, wasn’t I?</p><p>I can’t go to jail.</p><p>Who’s gonna take Chloe to school? Who’s gonna play barbie with her? Who’s gonna check if she actually went home from school? Who’s gonna be her blood brother now?</p><p> </p><p>I gather everything I find in this stupid hospital room.  My jeans, shirt, and big black combat boots. I take all the pills I can put my hands on, I take the soap and snacks on the table. My knife is bloody and stained my jeans. Did I ....?</p><p>And I fucking leave.</p><p>Finnegan Elliott McNamara is dead.</p><p>It’s just Finn now. And I’m on my fucking own.</p><p>I left Chloe there. I left her with them. I was 17 and I was scared and I have no idea where the fuck my only sister is.</p><p> </p><p>I’m so sorry Chloe. I’ll find you again. I promise. I’ll make it up to you Chloe. I will. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you...</p><p>
  <strong>I care about you more than I care about myself. I'm leaving for you.</strong>
</p>
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